Everything's Ruined: When Faith No More Were Untouchable
The last truly subversive band in the history of modern music.
Alternative when the word still meant something.
Against all possible odds when Chuck Mosley was fired from Faith No More, the band was actually joined by an even more charismatic singer.
Mike Patton was not just the coolest frontman in Rock music. Or the most versatile. He was possibly also the most talented. In the wise words of one writer, Mike Patton is "a complete and utter musical visionary and a mind-blowing and standard-warping genius".
By the band's own admission, 1989's "The Real Thing" saw the band become global superstars whilst they were actually making their very worst music (an album which almost single-handedly, albeit inadvertently, created a template for Rap-Rock).
In fairness Mike Patton was 19 at the time and had a matter of days to write and record vocals with his new band.
And in fairness The Real Thing was followed by 1992's Angel Dust: the biggest left turn, the strangest shift in direction and arguably the biggest act of flat-out "who gives a fuck?" commercial suicide by a then Top 10, millions selling band, in the entire history of music.
Fittingly Faith No More toured the album with then biggest band in the world Guns and Roses by proceeding to get up on stage and insult them every night.
Forget Kid A by the magnificent Radiohead. Forget any genre-crossing, pastiche weirdness that is contrived by the likes of Nicki Minaj, Lady Gaga or Kanye West.
Angel Dust was and always will be the creative key that unlocked the full potential of the Pop-Art approach to music. And almost 30 years on, Angel Dust is still stranger, more bizarre, darker and nastier than any album of its like.
With Mike Patton taking creative control of this strange, dysfunctional family (who barely looked like they belonged in the same room), the tensions between the band's ultra-talented but diversely influenced members found an outlet in every possible way.
Morrissey of The Smiths decries Heavy Metal for being limited by genre? How about an album which contains both a note-for-note identical UK Top 10 Lionel Ritchie cover of Easy and a psycho keyboard stabbing led extreme metal song about an act of masturbation followed by guilty feelings and suicide (Jizzlobber)?
And by the way, Morrissey might well claim that Metal is limited by macho posturing, but did Morrissey himself ever sing a sado-masochist inspired song about swallowing semen like Mike Patton was made to (see "Be Aggressive", written for LOLS by gay bandmate Roddy Bottum)?
Of course none of any of this wilful disregard for stylistic convention would amount to much (and indeed in most modern cases it does not amount to much) were it not for the talent of the band, Mike Patton's incredible vocal register and the constant drama of the tension between its members. Jim Martin was a classic thrash metal "Guitar Hero" who often looked and played like he belonged to a different band entirely. Mike Bordin was an innovative and groove driven drummer whose West African influences pre-figured Nu-Metal. Billy Gould was a hugely underrated bassist. And Mike Patton was Mike Patton.
And the icing on the cake was that on top of everything, even on top of Mike Patton's sick, scatological none-more-dark sense of humour (having once been asked by Australian megastars INXS to become their new lead singer following the death of Michael Hutchence, Mike Patton actually agreed upon the strict condition that he was allowed to hang himself every night live on stage), although their music was defiantly about nothing, it was also about everything.
A Small Victory, as well as being one of the strangest sounding singles ever, also functions as a vivid evocation of the the emotional pitfalls of being a sore loser. Kindergarten is both a satire of teenage angst and a profoundly moving kick in the gut nostalgia trip on the pains of growing up (albeit through the eyes of a pre-schooler).
Mike Patton might have dismissed his lyrics as nonsense but his modesty should not fool anyone.
Watching Faith No More perform "Naked In Front Of The Computer" on stage in their Mid-90s heyday now, as well as serving as a reminder of the God-like genius of Mike Patton in completely and totally exhausting and exorcising himself vocally in order to deliver some sort of deranged, crazed, frenzied and frantic public catharsis, also serves as a vital reminder of how strangely prophetic his words of warning about the digital age actually sound today.
Equally "Everything's Ruined" as well as being one of the greatest alternative rock songs of the 90s also functions just as well as a commentary on the physical valuelessness of money in the post Credit-Crunch era.
How the heck did this Movie Star looking, piss drinking, sleep-deprivation experimenting, 9 language speaking, rock music hating, 22 year old guy come up with this stuff? How did he know this was the way the world was going?
But of course the answer is deceptively simple. Mike Patton is an Artist with a capital "A". That is what people like him can do. Prophecy and Artistry are really just twin sisters.
One of the greatest artists of all time in any genre of music.
Notes on Faith No More and Mike Patton (14 September 2020):
I tend to ignore anyone who contacts me on this website because I prefer to interact with a very limited number of my fellow human beings. However with quite a few people asking me whether I have ever met Mike Patton, I thought I would explain why I am ok with never having done.
I have met a few of my idols over the years and experience tells me doing so is a mixed bag for a couple of reasons.
Firstly when you are emotionally invested in an idea of who someone might be, reality often has other ideas. Mike Patton by all accounts seems like a pretty down to earth, cool guy but he is also notorious for his razor sharp tongue and for being very very unpredictable. In the circumstances, any meeting with him could result in him saying something which would adversely affect my relationship with and enjoyment of his Art. I could catch him on an off day and because I enjoy his work, that is a risk I do not want to take.
Secondly, although I do not really enjoy the demystification of the artistic process in any case, in this one with, Mike Patton's output being so eccentric and cryptic, I do not think it would be possible. I could, for example, ask Mike Patton whether "Evidence" by Faith No More is really about the act of rape or oral sex. But even a clear answer would not really answer the real mystery about the song - why sing in such an ultra-smooth jazz style about something like that etc? It is just a very odd angle by a very enigmatic man. I am just never going to have the answer even if Mike Patton gave me one.
So - the answer is "No" I have not met him and neither am I necessarily planning to.
